For about a year now there have been no good days littering the landscape of my bad days. There have just been varying degrees of bad days. It's like the progression of a really bad relationship from verbal abuse to physical abuse.
My friend and I used to go spend a day or 2 each month window shopping and eating dinner out. I'd be able to say, "If I sleep on Tuesday, we should be good to go on Wednesday for an afternoon out and about."
We'd also go grocery shopping on Sunday together. We had a very cool little routine. She mapped it for maximum savings of both gas and money. We'd hit 3 stores. It would take us maybe 2 hours. Then we'd eat our secret chocolate snacks on the way home and not tell the kids.
Today, is a different day. I can't stroll around the shoe warehouse with her anymore. Stopping at every other display trying on the 4 inch pumps we'd never really wear or putting on the ugly Betty Boop shoes we'd never be caught dead in. Now I sit at the end of the isle and wait for her. I sit on the little bench guarding her selections. smacking the hands of the employees who try to put them away. My ankles and feet are so swollen I can't try on anything. My hips hurt so bad that I can't strut around the store in the Jessica Simpson platforms and pretend I'm on Stage singing to a crowd of adoring fans.
The last time I went grocery shopping with her. I had to stay in the car for 2 out of the 3 stops because I knew I wouldn't be able to walk by the time we got to the last one. We tried the store sponsored scooter. Well lets just say there should be warnings plastered to those things."WARNING: Any person with balance and depth perception problems, motion sickness and/or brain fog should not operate this machine. Not only was I a menace to shoppers everywhere, My back hurt so bad after 30 minutes in that thing, I'd have been better without it.
Today, Lola just rides in the car, she doesn't get out unless there is something she has to see. Her friend shops, puts her items in the fitting room then comes to the car to get Lola to sit with her in the fitting room. Today, her friend will ask her, "Do you need anything, is there anything I can bring you from the store.
Today, Lola Lana stops by the grocery several times per week with her son, because she can't do a whole weeks worth of shopping in one day. She never goes alone. She forgets what she needs, where she put her list and she's not allowed to put her hands on the cart because she will certainly crash into every single corner of every single isle.
So, you see, the wolf is selfish and he wants you all to himself.
He makes it so you can't keep up with your pack, your herd.
Slowly but surely he fixes it so that you can't get away.
In this world Lola Lana is the prey and the wolf is the predator.
And each day is another day caught up in his trap.
This is indeed Pain,
but in the darkest of night
with just a single star,
there is Light.
T
My friend and I used to go spend a day or 2 each month window shopping and eating dinner out. I'd be able to say, "If I sleep on Tuesday, we should be good to go on Wednesday for an afternoon out and about."
We'd also go grocery shopping on Sunday together. We had a very cool little routine. She mapped it for maximum savings of both gas and money. We'd hit 3 stores. It would take us maybe 2 hours. Then we'd eat our secret chocolate snacks on the way home and not tell the kids.
Today, is a different day. I can't stroll around the shoe warehouse with her anymore. Stopping at every other display trying on the 4 inch pumps we'd never really wear or putting on the ugly Betty Boop shoes we'd never be caught dead in. Now I sit at the end of the isle and wait for her. I sit on the little bench guarding her selections. smacking the hands of the employees who try to put them away. My ankles and feet are so swollen I can't try on anything. My hips hurt so bad that I can't strut around the store in the Jessica Simpson platforms and pretend I'm on Stage singing to a crowd of adoring fans.
The last time I went grocery shopping with her. I had to stay in the car for 2 out of the 3 stops because I knew I wouldn't be able to walk by the time we got to the last one. We tried the store sponsored scooter. Well lets just say there should be warnings plastered to those things."WARNING: Any person with balance and depth perception problems, motion sickness and/or brain fog should not operate this machine. Not only was I a menace to shoppers everywhere, My back hurt so bad after 30 minutes in that thing, I'd have been better without it.
Today, Lola just rides in the car, she doesn't get out unless there is something she has to see. Her friend shops, puts her items in the fitting room then comes to the car to get Lola to sit with her in the fitting room. Today, her friend will ask her, "Do you need anything, is there anything I can bring you from the store.
Today, Lola Lana stops by the grocery several times per week with her son, because she can't do a whole weeks worth of shopping in one day. She never goes alone. She forgets what she needs, where she put her list and she's not allowed to put her hands on the cart because she will certainly crash into every single corner of every single isle.
So, you see, the wolf is selfish and he wants you all to himself.
He makes it so you can't keep up with your pack, your herd.
Slowly but surely he fixes it so that you can't get away.
In this world Lola Lana is the prey and the wolf is the predator.
And each day is another day caught up in his trap.
This is indeed Pain,
but in the darkest of night
with just a single star,
there is Light.
T
